Yes, this is yet another Hallmark day, designed for card sellers and tie makers. Of course we should celebrate Dads beyond a Sunday in June, but to have a day set aside on the calendar to stop and hug the man or the memories can be a good thing. There was a time I ran from this day. This is a day filled with memories so strong that 25 years later I can still take myself back to the countless family Father's Day cook-outs in all types of weather... the piles of gifts left in front of my Papa who preferred to have all his grandchildren around him rather than packages and left the presents for Nana to open...the clumsily wrapped cans of tennis balls and Izod polos that populated Daddy's stack of gifts... No, it does not get easier with time. Loss leaves craters in your life. Though they can never be filled and will never be closed, if you have been enveloped with love the holes are softer to look into and can bring both strength and joy. Though this will never be a fun day for me, it is a day that holds my own stash of gifts. This Father's Day weekend may not be my first without Daddy, but like every year at this time I try to keep the mascara from going by hugging the memories and re-opening his many gifts to me.
Gifts that I carry with me every day and always will.
Gifts that are sewn into the core of my soul and especially my heart.
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I proudly say I am a "Daddy's Girl" and that is a badge I wear boldly. There are a lot of negative connotations with that phrase...spoiled, Princess, indulged...but for me the phrase symbolizes not only the unbreakable bond between a Father and Daughter but also the foundation upon which I stand... every day.
"Run your own race,baby. He could have said it a dozen other ways. “Be independent.” “Don’t be influenced by others.” But it wouldn’t have been the same. The words he chose touched my heart and have remained with me all through my life. Whenever I’m at a crossroads, I ask myself,
“Am I running my race or somebody else’s?"
What a gift he gave me."
We lost my Dad suddenly. After the shock wore off, and the numbness set in, I felt as if I were living without a safety net, sort of free falling-I still have days I feel that way. It took some time to realize that Daddy had left me many gifts, gifts that would help me realize that a safety net would always there. The most important gift perhaps is the knowledge that I do have solid ground beneath my feet because of the lessons he taught me-be yourself, stand for what you believe, laugh no matter what, show them how it's done!, know you tried your best, believe in who you are! These lessons helped to build my base, grow the roots that sprout from my feet and created my own terra firma, composed of all the love that I was graced to be given.
How very lucky I am to know that being a “Daddy’s Girl” means that I carry the extraordinary gift of unconditional love with me wherever life takes me. That love has taught me to believe in myself and my strengths, and to know that I CAN “run my own race”- even when I have trouble finding the track. My Father taught me to trust my instincts, believe that there is nothing I can’t accomplish and that the worst thing I could do would be to give up, pass on an opportunity or to sit on the sidelines and never try!
On the days when I think…”There is NO way I can do this!” I hear Daddy saying “just try”. Happy Father’s Day Daddy…Thank you for my many gifts. Oh how I wish you were here to watch me run my race. I love you today and everyday!
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